Counseling Baby Reindeer: Insight into Male Stalking Victimization and Guidance for Treatment

In early 2024, the world was captivated by the release of the miniseries Baby Reindeer (De Greef et al., 2024). Richard Gadd’s dramatization of his real-life experience with a female stalker. The series follows a fictionalized version of Gadd (Donny Dunn), a struggling comedian and local bartender in England who encounters a lonely woman named Martha while working. Sensing her sadness, Donny offers Martha a cup of tea on the house. This small act of kindness would lead to years of innumerable emails and voice messages, alleged stalking of Gadd at his place of residence, workplace, and comedy shows, and harassment of Gadd’s family members and romantic partners.

Baby Reindeer (De Greef et al., 2024) put a spotlight on the unspoken phenomenon of male stalking victimization and the complicated psychological processes that can present. Gadd’s experience highlights the gendered stigmatization against male victims and emphasizes the many systemic and psychological barriers they must navigate to secure justice from their perpetrators. This article serves to introduce the complexities of male stalking victimization and to offer therapeutic guidelines for therapists working with this population.

Male Stalking Victimization in the Literature

According to the Department of Justice, stalking is defined as “a course of conduct directed at a specific person that would cause a reasonable person to feel fear” (Baum et al., 2009, p. 1). Common behaviors of stalking perpetrators include, but are not limited to, following the victim, sending unwanted text messages, phone calls, emails, or gifts. Stalking laws vary across the United States, making it difficult to capture the concept of fear in this context and the level of fear a victim must feel to receive justice against their perpetrator. This subjectivity of characterizing fear and the inconsistent degrees of fear across states makes it incredibly difficult for victims’ cases to even enter the legal system. Approximately 50% of both female and male stalking victims in the United States felt that their situation did not change after speaking to law enforcement, and 20% stated that law enforcement took no action when contacted (Baum et al., 2009).

The current literature on stalking primarily focuses on female victims and male perpetrators, highlighting the prevalence of intimate partner violence and female victimization. Although it is important for the literature to continue to address female victimization, it appears that the victimization of males in stalking cases is relatively underreported and under researched. This could be due to the stigmatization society has against male victims of interpersonal violence. While the aftermath of the MeToo movement created space to address male victims of interpersonal violence, including stalking victimization, the influence of gender roles for and the stigma against male victims continues to dominate the conversation and overshadow victimization.

The reported rate of male stalking victimization in the United States is approximately 8 victims per 1,000 males ages 16 and older, with 41% of victims having a male stalker and 43% having a female stalker (Baum et al., 2009; Morgan & Truman, 2022). Research has shown that men are less likely to report their stalking victimization to law enforcement and feeling like their reports of stalking were taken seriously by law enforcement (Sheridan, 2003, as cited in Wigman, 2009). Male victimization of stalking has been seen as less serious by law enforcement compared to female victimization, and men were more likely to be held responsible for their victimization. More specifically, law enforcement had a tendency to overlook male reports of stalking if the perpetrator was female, perceiving males as being able to handle the situation with the female stalker themselves (Sheridan, 2003, as cited in Wigman, 2009).

Baby Reindeer (De Greef et al., 2024) begins with Gadd attempting to report his stalking victimization to local police. The police officer responds with skepticism, asking if Gadd was in a sexual relationship with Martha and probing for an explanation as to why he waited six months to report the stalking to police. This interaction highlights the resistance male victims often receive when taking the difficult step of asking for help and seeking justice; a resistance also experienced by female victims (Independent Office for Police Conduct, 2022).

Clinical Implications of Male Stalking Victimization

It’s important for therapists to recognize the numerous systemic obstacles that male victims must navigate when reporting victimization. Additionally, there are numerous psychological barriers that exist for male victims of stalking that might prevent them from disclosing their experience. Spitzberg et al. (1998, as cited in Wigman, 2009) postulated that men may not perceive their stalking victimization as serious enough to speak about it with others, or they may fear being received negatively by others if they were to disclose their experience. This presumption emphasizes the impact of male gender roles on male victims of interpersonal violence. In many societies around the world, men are expected to be strong, independent, and stoic; qualities that are not often considered when thinking about what it means to be a victim (McCarthy et al., 2018). These expectations, usually learned at a young age, may subconsciously infiltrate a male victim’s thought processes, potentially warping their perception of their victimization experience. This can lead to minimization of the stalking behaviors and may create a hesitation to disclose the offense to others. Specifically for female perpetrators, Brooks et al. (2021) found that since most societies across the world perceive women as less dangerous and men as more capable of defending themselves, male victims of stalking are less likely to identify themselves as victims of crime or admit fear, which is a main component in prosecution.

Male victims of stalking often face significant psychological and systemic barriers influenced by societal expectations for masculinity. These expectations tend to discourage expressions of vulnerability and self-identification as a victim, which can affect a male’s self-perception of the severity of their victimization. This experience, combined with minimized perceptions of female perpetrators, can ultimately hinder a male victim from pursuing legal action or seeking psychological treatment for this harmful offense.

Treatment Recommendations for Male Stalking Victims

As discussed above, there are numerous systemic and psychological barriers fueled by stigmatization and gender roles that can prevent male victims of stalking from seeking justice and treatment. It’s important for providers to be mindful of a male victim’s reluctance toward receiving treatment for this potentially traumatizing experience because of these obstacles. This can be one of the biggest challenges in counseling a male victim of stalking as gender roles are so embedded in American culture and mind. Additionally, therapists should enter treatment with male victims with an understanding of stalking and its subsequent impact (Pathé et al., 2001), and approach treatment through a trauma-informed lens. Therapists for these clients should reflect on their personal biases toward men, male victimization, and stalking in order to recognize, acknowledge, and manage their countertransference throughout the course of treatment.

First and foremost, it’s important for the therapist to establish safety and protection within the therapeutic relationship. The therapist should allow for the subjective experience of the male victim to be honored by maintaining a non-judgmental and empathetic attitude. It can be difficult to establish rapport with these clients due to potential emotional dysfunction, reluctance toward treatment, and not wanting to be perceived as a victim (Pathé et al., 2001). To help assist in rapport building, therapists should lay the groundwork for flexibility and validation in sessions. This approach can foster a supportive environment that can identify client components of emotional distress while affirming their experience.

It is essential to recognize that treatment goals for male victims of stalking should be individualized to the specific needs of the client. Generally speaking, treatment for victims of stalking should aim to alleviate distress and restore baseline functioning (Pathé et al., 2001). Therapists can create space for the client to discuss their victimization and subsequent emotions, possibly asking exploratory questions in early sessions to guide the client into disclosure while preserving an empathetic and affirming approach. Decades of trauma research has shown the significance of vocalization in trauma processing, either verbally or written (Kaminer, 2006). It allows for the victim’s internal experience to become externalized, reinstating a sense of control within the victim and facilitating perception changes. However, therapists should be mindful of the client’s reactions from others during this phase. Male victims of stalking might have been received with disbelief, trivialization, or blame when disclosing their experience to other people. This can reinforce the client’s distrust of others and increase self-blame and further withdrawal for sharing their experience (Pathé et al., 2001). This may also become present in the therapeutic relationship, where a client may perceive the therapist’s statements as judgmental or invalidating. The therapist may try to remain affirming, empathic, and supportively process the invalidation experienced from others and when it emerges in the therapy room.

The impact of stalking can heavily affect functioning in various domains of the victim’s life. It is not uncommon for the stalking perpetrator to show up at the victim’s home, workplace, or social gatherings. The stalking behavior can create a sense of fear and insecurity surrounding frequently visited places, which can cause the individual to withdraw from personal and professional responsibilities and to isolate from others (Pathé et al., 2001). This can be even more significant for male victims, who may experience self-blame or shame for struggling to continue on with their life in the same way they did prior to be victimized. Exposure should be targeted towards domains of functioning that were severely affected by the stalking behavior. Therapists can work with the client to set goals related to impaired domains of functioning and to redefine meanings of frequently visited places affected by the perpetrator to enhance comfortability.

It is important to address the role of advocacy within the therapeutic relationship as well as the challenges that arise when treating a male victim of stalking. From an ethical perspective, advocacy outside of the therapeutic relationship has the potential to blur boundaries and puts the client’s rights to confidentiality and autonomy at risk. Considering the stigmatization male victims of stalking face internally and systemically, advocacy may harm the therapeutic relationship and reinforce the client’s distrust of others. Therapists may struggle with the conflict of wanting to provide treatment to the client while also advocating for the rights of male victims in a broader social context. It’s normal for therapists to feel this way, especially when they have an understanding of the client’s victimization, emotional distress, and impairments in functioning. Therapists should engage in self-reflection throughout the therapeutic relationship, reminding themselves of their role as a therapist and actively considering how their advocacy could affect the client’s overall functioning.

The release of Baby Reindeer (De Greef et al., 2024) has introduced the world to the experience of male victims of stalking, and the uniquely complicated psychological and systemic barriers faced by male victims when attempting to heal from subsequent trauma. This victimization is often overlooked and undermined due to deeply ingrained gender roles and stigmatization, making it difficult for victims to secure justice against their perpetrators and receive treatment from mental health therapists. Therapists must be aware of these psychological and systemic barriers to deliver empathetic and effective treatment to their clients, empowering them to reclaim their story and work to heal from perpetration. It is imperative for the field of psychology to continue to deepen its awareness of the complex psychological and systemic factors that exist within male stalking victimization and invest in expanding research in this area to develop more evidence-based practices tailored to this specific population.